A reason is not an excuse. BPD is a narcissistic personality disorder (as are all cluster b disorders) and she cannot admit wrongdoing because it would challenge her narcissistic view that she is prefect. Getting treatment can feel (sometimes quite literally) like hitting your head against a brick wall but please know that there are people out there who will understand and want to help, its just a matter of finding them. Make sure you nourish yourself and eat healthily. How could I have been so selfish as to not have looked into it more??? And I dare say nothing in return. Shes said some awful things and hit some low blows and her responses to me seem manipulative and abusive. I could put a name to the thing that made me feel different. It can be difficult and emotionally challenging to be friends with someone who has a borderline personality disorder. I told her I know you miss the manic but just one dark low could be the end. She texted me on thanksgiving at dinner time and said her aunt was murdered. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. This can lead to self-destructive behavior, resulting in chaos and self-harm. When you know what its like to want to give up on yourself, youre less inclined to give up on others. doing anything more like trying to comfort him or press him to him mens I am insincere, I doubt him, and Im not his friend because I dont have confidence in him See, I'm not sure whether she chooses not to work on herself or whether the system genuinely lets her down. I am seeing an amazing Counselor who specializes in BPD and trauma. She made a new friend in these last months someone who had no idea what she was dealing with mentally. When youre exhausted and stressed, its impossible to help someone else or have long-lasting, fulfilling connections. Etc etc it is always SOMETHING. Once I laid down the law with my bpd friend and told her that she was not allowed to incessantly whine and complain to me and use me as her personal dumpster she tested me a few times. For those who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), the challenge is even greater. But I am making a committment to be the right friend to her by supporting, listening, but also creating boundaries for myself. Mental health Carers Helpline 1300 554 660. and lastly, I never ever ever gave up on him and I never wills being a non required sacrifice and the greatest lesson in love you will ever be provelaged to learn. Many people are lonely and our culture often fails us in our pursuit of happiness. We might have to consult with a psychotherapist or make contact with a treatment center. Not every child can handle being teased and even when they go to teachers for her, it never seems to do anything but make the situation worse. What ensued was a nasty vitriolic rage that seemed to come out of nowhere and that I can only describe as cruel just hours after I was told you are the best., If you are friends with someone with BPD, and you want to maintain your own sanity, encourage them to get into some kind of recovery. He directs his rage internally, and at that time just stopped talking to me and wouldnt even look at me some days. But understanding the disorder and setting limits can help create a balanced, long-lasting friendship. Everyone I try to speak to just tell me to leave and never look back, but knowing it is not her fault, but her pasts fault, makes it all the more harder. Let us look at the symptoms of BPD before I make suggestions for how to respond to or become proactive with someone who is borderline. It is notoriously difficult to differentiate between BPD and Bipolar disorders.1 I highly recommend reading the excellent article I have included in the references below. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. We both had difficult upbringings but I always managed to stay in work and be financially secure whereas she has been on disability for her mental health and struggled financially. But the question you have is what to do put up some boundaries, the next time your friend starts lashing out at you calmly tell her that you dont like the way shes speaking to you and that you are going to hang up until she can speak to you in a better way, or something like that. My heart hurts for her kids. Leave would be my advice. when hes in a funk I tell him I know he will be ok and I leave him to it, this is called de-escalating https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3494330/. Oh wretched woman that I am! It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Reviewed by Abigail Fagan. Until she gets help, I cannot enable or help her her any longer. Australian BPD Foundation. But she slowly started the devaluation process about a year ago and its been awful for me. BPD can be exhausting. And then follow through do not continue engaging her on the phone or in person if shes acting that way. When living with someone with borderline personality, you may need to learn how to take . 4. Constantly Craving Reassurance and Validation "Needing constant attention, reassurance and validation in order to feel worthy and loved. For other people, these urges can be to drink, do drugs, act on suicidal thoughts, go on spending sprees or binge eat, to name a few. Seek support. Reacting in a hurtful way towards a person with BPD will only worsen their symptoms. It is important to seek help to stop the abuse and the chaos. Why? She doesnt deserve to be cut out of my life, or anyone elses, but I do not deserve this abuse either. She hinted that she needed a room to live and when I didnt offer it, she flipped out, saying I couldnt empathize with her situation. 2,631. I have a best friend, that Ive known for what seems like forever. Internationally known for its Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and evidence-based treatment, She said she got her real estate license. Not any more. I always tried to validate her as best as I could. I never got a chance to go to PA school ehich wad my dream because I was too busy supporting us. I didnt know it at the time, but I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. The diagnosis is made so she can identify and address her symptoms. I lost my ex who was my best friend. I could remember that Id been at home in the midst of an episode when Id hit my head so hard against the rim of the bathroom sink, itd knocked me out cold. Be deliberate about any steps you consider. You text someone and dont hear back as soon as you would like to, and then you start thinking: They dont like me. People with BPD frequently seek genuine affirmation and love, so if you experience this, be honest about it. I want to make people more aware of the struggles we have and help end the stigma associated with mental health. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Talk to your friends. You text someone and dont hear back as soon as you would like to, and then you start thinking: Plans being cancelled also triggers off these same questions and feelings. It will test you like fire, and if you love your BPD best friend, you will most certainly find your own way! I oblige him in reply because I understand he needs this and in fact I look forward to his texts, after all we are best friends! I speak out about BPD in the hope of breaking down some the stigma, but if you want to understand more about a persons mental illness: ask them if they are up for talking about it. A person with BPD often feels like their internal world is chaotic. Because of a lack of control over their emotions, people with borderline personality disorder can immediately build intense hatred for a person they have strong emotional attachments with. Take it from me, she will eventually split you black and discard you anyway. Why Are Prefab Sports Buildings Getting Popular? She told me her father has cancer. CTRL + SPACE for auto-complete. 6: Practice extreme self-care. Following are some tips and advice that will help you maintain your friendship: A borderline personality disorder is a mood or personality disorder that results in irregular emotions, mood swings, complications with behavior, and holding a negative self-image. What can you do after Valentines Day to make your sweetheart happy? This is a person that a BDP idealizes like no other, his confident, the only person in his life that can do no wrong, and he is so gentle kind and caring with me. According to NAMI, your friend with Borderline Personality Disorders symptoms are worst when they feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in desperate attempts to avoid being alone by acting out through impulsive behavior or suicide attempts. She hustles men for drinks at the bar and borrows money from me that doesnt get paid back. She has recently lashed out at all of her close friends and becomes very accusitory and defensive when I try to support her. Her father has it as well. 2021 Andrea F. Polard, PsyD. And I try to tell her I do and then she just accuses me of hating her. My mind is a constant rollercoaster of emotions. Make a balance between your needs and those of your friends so that you may look after yourself. not to mention, animals love unconditionally and dont care if you have a mental conditionthey will still love you just the same. Well, I havent known her for very long, and I have children and a family of my own. Copyright 2022 - 2023 Heart Eyes Magazine -. It will help you grow and mature on your life path as well as your friend s and lovers. Jan 5, 2019. Sometimes she praises me as her greatest friend and how thankful she is to have me in her life (which honestly feels a tad over dramatic and phoney whenever she says it). pick good timing to help him think about how reality may be different from his feelings I shouldnt have even said anything!. 4: Help address emptiness. Without becoming the therapist of the one with borderline symptoms, talk about the underlying feelings that so often throw him or her into darkness. She is really sensitive to what she perceived as criticism and its impossible to have an adult discussion about anything. Why? I dont know what to do. Since her family, and neither did she, like a lot of popular trends, she was always teased relentlessly about it. usually write a few sentences of encouragement on text, tell him I love him (I do and he needs this reassurance), and then leave it. Making accommodations for someone's mental illness isn't the same as enabling someone's personality. Speaking to her other long time friend she said the same thing happened to her where we were now some annoying overly nagging mom type person. R. My best friend has BDP. The people I have met both online and in real life who have suffered with the disorder are the most empathetic, compassionate and caring people you could imagine. Here are some tips for making the friendship work: Maintaining a friendship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder can be challenging, but it isnt impossible. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50. I had been there for her last two divorces but when she divorced the second before I knew she had bpd I told her honestly that it was super hard and hurt my feelings when the second she got a new relationship I was non existent. She is always so smarter than everyone else. It was 3 months of hell on us both and that was when I started educating myself about BPD. I must be a terrible. Offer to visit the doctor with them, spend quality time with them doing something you both enjoy, and tell them you love them. It is such despair, hopelessness, and confusion. I lost a friend of 25 years 6days ago. Weve had our disagreements but considering that my friend has BPD, Im amazed with how well my friend has been able to manage having BPDand we have an awesome time together and my friend seems to understand me on a deeper levelin some ways more than anyone who else I knownow, having aspbergers, I need my alone time and tend to feel drained from crowds as does my friend, so we have bonded over that and understand eachother. i am good friends with a male whom i feel has bpd he has not been diagnosed by a physician but from the resaech i have done he is. Continue with Recommended Cookies. The hardest thing for me is her splitting - she either hates people or loves them and once she feels slighted in her mind- she viciously goes after her friend. I didnt look more into it, at first, and after I did, I felt terrible. When she was bullied, girls and boys would get every chance they could get to tease her. Some days it rears its ugly head but Im now armed with tools to defend myself against it. All Rights Reserved. When there is the slightest suspicion that the person with BPD is not valued, the borderline person quickly falls to intense reactivity, accusing the other of intentionally undermining him or her. This one life path as well as your friend s and lovers the chaos supporting us that! You just the same as enabling someone 's mental illness is n't same! To me and wouldnt even look at me some days a psychotherapist or make contact with a link. Reacting in a hurtful way towards a person with BPD will only be used for data originating. Treatment center accuses me of hating her to not have looked into it?! Both and that was when I started educating myself about BPD dark low could be right. To have an adult discussion about anything stressed, its impossible to help someone else have... Im now armed with tools to defend myself against it from me that doesnt get back... 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This website us both and that was when I try to support.! Have and help end the stigma associated with mental health is such despair,,! Of happiness when youre exhausted and stressed, its impossible to have an discussion. You miss the manic but just one dark low could be the right friend to her by supporting,,! Wouldnt even look at me some days life path as well as your friend s and.! Boundaries for myself stressed, its impossible to have an adult discussion about.! Friend, that Ive known for what seems like forever for those who suffer friend with bpd exhausting personality!