So, dont try to control them. Your partner might not be comfortable expressing their feelings. So, lets talk about the signs that show an avoidant person loves you and see what you could do next. Establish their baseline behaviors and see if there's a notable difference in how they treat you. In fact, avoidants have been labeled as so because they dont like showing their true selves to almost anyone. Learn more about the symptoms, causes, and tips to address. Be patient if they become chilly to you. Sharing secrets is a sign of closeness in any relationship. It is simply like the opposite attracts. Discussing their feelings and emotions with someone will probably be uncomfortable and stressful, but they want to do it anyway. You could also find healthy ways to self-soothe. They are likeable, friendly, and sociable. Avoidant partners may fail to acknowledge your feelings or rarely express their own emotions. signs a dismissive avoidant loves you They will show love by-. 2) You must be honest and transparent. If your avoidant partner chooses to include you in something that they usually enjoy by themselves, it's a big deal. Someone with an avoidant attachment in relationships may attempt to create distance, establish boundaries, and withdraw from emotional conversations in a romantic relationship.For these reasons, it can be difficult to know how to make an avoidant feel safe in a relationship, but also not compromise your need for intimacy and affection, or leave you feeling confused or frustrated. Remember that avoidants have a hard time trusting anyone. Due to their difficulties expressing emotions and affection, someone with an avoidant attachment style in relationships is more likely to show their love to partners in nonverbal manners. Being a good man to her and being attentive and loving, while . 25 Signs an Avoidant Loves You. Last updated on February 15, 2022 byCrazyJackz-TeamAvoidantly attached people fear "rejection" because they believe that whatever they do or encounters will cause you to stop loving them.Despite this, they prefer to limit their time with people: They need to be alone for longer periods again because. So if theyre trying, view it as a major win. However, if your partner comes back to you and tries to make things right, they value your relationship. As the love addict showers the avoidant with love and affection, the avoidant will inevitably start to pull away. Most of all, avoidants tend to like alone time. Here's what experts say about "fixing narcissism" and whether or not some narcissists can ever change and undo their ways. To them, you aren't supposed to be needy: you should be able to take care of yourself. In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation. Sign #4: There Have Been Some Moments Of Vulnerability. If you can show them that you love and accept them nonetheless, they'll feel safe with you. But, when they start to feel secure, they allow themselves to be vulnerable. If things dont go that way, they might become uncomfortable and begin to pull away from you. The two of you are just going to be friends from now on. People with avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) have a pervasive negative self-image, so they avoid emotional closeness. They may seem emotionally distant and unstable, but their love can be genuine. I would like to sign up for the newsletter They confide in you. They act this way because they dont want others to think theyre weak or notice any sign of weakness in them. They actively listen. Yet, even though they are far from lonely, their connections tend to be surface-level only and they never require emotional support from others. When avoidant partners are in the company of anxious love seekers and highly accomplished women, they may worry that they will disappoint you, so they always feel that they have to be on guard. So keep an eye out for warm smiles, affectionate touches and extended eye contact. If they are following you like a lost puppy, count it. Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. 11 Stages of Physical Intimacy in a New Relationship, Why You Should Get Married Top 10 Reasons Why Its Still Important Today, https://www.webmd.com/balance/introvert-personality-overview. They allow themselves to be vulnerable around you. They may have a checklist of near-impossible standards in a partner, ensuring that no one can measure up. Listen and offer understanding. Do you have an introvert lover? An avoidant can be shy and awkward with affection, so it might be better for them to do their special show of affection at home. Don't take it personally. 2.5 5. But, if you are a love addict, the challenge is worse. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you. Due to past experiences, avoidants dont anticipate that their needs will be met or that their feelings will be validated. These children learn to put up emotional barriers and avoid intimacy, resulting in what is known as an avoidant attachment style. Getting married. When you . In 2017, I dated a former co-worker who was 12 years my senior. How to get an avoidant to chase you. Avoidants tend to get absorbed in their own affairs, so it's easy to feel neglected or shut out. But, if they are making an effort to bond with you through the things you like, it is a good sign. A love avoidant will only allow you to remain aloof sometimes if they have genuine feelings! Sometimes the next is a now no longer soft reality to stand- nonetheless in due course, it is real a reality that would possibly set you unfastened. 5.They stick up for you. This is yet another childhood trauma. Numerous psychologists say that avoidant people tend to keep their true selves hidden, and thats why they sometimes end up cheating. So, if they are reaching out, try to play coy and let them show you with attention! They cant find the support and understanding they need, so they look for it in other places. Often that's how you'll figure out if they're avoidant or not. They give you their time. Intimate relationships require balancing closeness and distance, interdependence and autonomy. Hence, they never open themselves fully to you. Here are the common challenges of living with someone with borderline personality disorder and how to cope. You see, an avoidant needs time to open up to you. They may not be a cheater but dismissive-avoidant in love. For such people, particularly men or women. How to handle avoidance behavior in a relationship: don't take it personally. If an avoidant tells you anything from their past, its usually a sign that they want to open up to you. Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. They Have Charisma. Avoidant attachers are often highly successful, as they put a lot of their energy into their careers rather than their relationships. To add salt to the wound, your partner most likely has an avoidant attachment style. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 116(4), 598611. Instead of asking your partner to stop doing something, tell them what you'd like them to do. How to Get an Avoidant to Chase You- 10 Ways, 16 Powerful Benefits of Vulnerability in Relationships, As per the research done by the University of Toronto, love avoidants show positive. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. They also may fear that they cannot measure up to what others want. SEXUAL ATTRACTION & CONFIDENCE. They fear clingy people or being seen as clingy themselves. Needing to control everything. Doing so allows the individual to understand how certain events or actions influence their thoughts and behaviors. A love avoidant is a person who fears intimacy in a relationship due to fears of personal inadequacy or rejection. Here's why antisocial personality disorder, also known as sociopathy, may lead to hazardous behaviors, but why this isn't always the case. So, if you try to smother them, it will only make matters worse. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This website uses cookies to improve your experience. If you want to make the avoidant miss you, it is better to have some self-induced distance. However, there are subtle signs of an avoidant that might help you understand them better, such as being distant, scared of intimacy, distrustful, typically clueless, and protective of their space. Respect their boundaries and be patient throughout your relationship. As your relationship develops, your avoidant partner might start to express their feelings more. I'll explain how frequent communication, apologizi. Why? You'll know your partner is an avoidant if: They're afraid of commitment. What we've found is that when an avoidant is truly in love with you those tipping points don't bother them as much. I. What does it really mean to be emotionally available? It feels nerve-wracking to him and, he'll have a difficult time with emotional attachment. They are distant, cold, and show little affection for you. If you wonder how to make an avoidant miss you, indulge in some non-verbal communication. In short, they become different people altogether. So, if he or she asks you to do something together, it could be a sign of closeness. People with antisocial personality disorder (sociopaths and psychopaths) have feelings and emotions but sometimes lack empathy and remorse. There's no way he'll ever take you back. 12 Signs to check if an avoidant loves you, 8 Signs You Are Married to a Controlling Wife & Ways to Cope, How to Deal With Gaslighting in Relationships in 15 Ways, Narcissist Couples What Happens When a Narcissist Meets a Narcissist, What Revenge Tactics You Can Expect from a Narcissist, 5 Ways to Handle Marriage With a Narcissist Wife, How a Narcissist Changes After Marriage- 5 Red Flags to Notice, 7 Effects of Being Married to a Narcissist Ready Reckoners, OCD and Sex: How OCD Can Impact Your Sex Life and How to deal, What Is Spiritual Abuse in Marriage & How to Heal, How to Detach From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder, 10 Ways How Complex PTSD Can Affect Intimate Relationships, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, 15 Subtle Signs Your Husband Resents You & What to Do About It, 10 Pros and Cons of Getting Sole Custody of a Child, 10 Tips to spend the holidays when your marriage is in crisis, 10 Reasons Staying in a Marriage Without Trust Is Hard. If they're letting you into their world, they love you - so if they invite you to a concert or art class, be sure to see it as an invitation into their heart. Initially, an avoidant might be swept up in the magic of the honeymoon phase. Here are some tips to help you achieve your goal: As you already know, avoidants need space. So, theyre definitely not the type to commit easily, and they sometimes end up hurting others when they want to hide their true selves from them. Right now, read on! Before someone with an avoidant attachment style can feel free enough to open up in a relationship, they may need to recognize that not everyone is worthy of confidence some people can be trusted, some cant. Theyd rather be by themselves and deal with their issues on their own. Your goal should be to help your partner warm up to the idea of intimacy and in the long run it is possible the avoidant partner will chase you. I dont often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts Ive come across. work, illness, depression etc.). They also tend to distract themselves with other activities outside the relationship. In turn, they lose focus on the present. This is, without a doubt, the strongest sign on the list. Looking back, there were a lot of reasons we weren't compatible. There are a number of clues to watch out for if youre wondering how to tell whether an avoidant loves you: Due to their difficulties expressing emotions and affection, someone with an avoidant attachment style in relationships is more likely to show their love to partners in nonverbal manners. In the case of avoidants, secrets can be quite difficult to share. Being invited into an avoidant's world is significant, but when they want to join you in your world, too, that's a major breakthrough. If you're ready to discover the truth about your relationship, take the first step by taking their relationship quiz to assess your current situation. It is the scenario that will make him fall in love with you. Their libido may diminish the closer you get or the deeper the relationship grows. Avoidant partners may avoid making long-term plans or talking about the future of your relationship. With knowledge, understanding, and the right skill-set, it is possible for someone with an avoidant attachment style inrelationships to foster more secure behavioral traits within a relationship. In time, the avoidant attacher will learn that discussing their feelings is a much healthier approach than repressing or denying them. An avoidant will probably choose to hang out with you in quiet, calm places. So, if an avoidant person withdraws, don't . Notice how each one of these tipping points revolves around some new level of intimacy. You two are dating and having quite a good time, but your significant other often seems too mysterious. Body language such as extended eye contact, light touches, and gentle smiles are all signs that your avoidant partner cares about you. But if they love you and trust you, there will still be some moments in your history together where your partner has shown some vulnerability. Hence, look out for the. Attachment styles refer to how we relate to others emotionally. COMMITMENT/COMMITMENT PHOBIA/CHEATING. The importance of communication. Navigating a relationship with an avoidant partner can be challenging, especially when trying to decipher their feelings. The Avoidant person needs the warmth the Anxious person brings, and the Anxious person is used to bringing it. Much like individuals with an anxious attachment style, fearful avoidants tend to feel undeserving of close relationships. On top of that, their unnecessary fear causes them to lose emotional attachment with their partner. Eventually, these suppressed emotions reach a boiling point, forcing the avoidant to distance themselves. But how do you trigger this instinct in an avoidant man? They may sabotage a relationship when things are going well by becoming childish, angry, sullen or picky. As per psychology, love avoidants are people or individuals who fear intimacy and affectionate gestures, despite being in love. Gently encouraging them, helping them to feel safe, and giving them their space, will facilitate feelings of security in the relationship. Six Signs an Avoidant Partner Loves You . Love avoidant persons try to become good listeners when serious in a relationship. Hence, they tend to shy away from falling in love. On top of that, people with love avoidant behavior also do a total risk assessment. It is unnatural to make a move on you unless they are deeply in love with you! The Avoidant Attachment Style: They are a person that does not like a lot of emotional intimacy or vulnerability within a relationship. It may hurt to let them go momentarily, but running after them will prolong the chase before they come back to you. For your relationship to work, youll need to get a grip on your partners unique personality type or attachment style, while also understanding yourself. These people also have feelings. 2.7 7. But just because an avoidant lover can be afraid of committing, doesn't mean they don't love you. You are lucky if your partner offers romantic gestures like holding hands in public and shielding you during an argument. Keep your arms relaxed and don't make too many gestures with your hands. Even though the love avoidant personality traits are hard to decipher, they can become beautiful partners with some adjustments. One of the main signs an avoidant loves you is that they make the first move! 6. They involve you in their interests. It could be brushing your back. They are ready for intimacy. Guilford Press. 10 EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS. Despite longing for romantic relationships, childhood trauma has left them fearful that romantic partners will abandon or hurt them. For example, they might not want to feel vulnerable in front of you. There may be times that the other person within the relationship will feel lonely, discouraged, and frustrated. With support and patience, an avoidant partner can embrace emotional intimacy. So, they end up distancing themselves from their partner. This anxious feeling often harms the relationship. He might not act immediately on your requested trip to Jamaica, but he knows. The caregivers of a child with an avoidant attachment style may not have necessarily neglected the child, but they were nevertheless emotionally reserved and rejecting of the childs emotional needs. Its important because the thing about avoidants is that they try to perfect themselves and avoid anything that might make them feel insecure or weak. So the best way to manage an avoidant attachers need for distance is to not take it personally. So, how do you tell if your avoidant partner loves you? They often need their space even when they are in committed relationships, so you are in for the chase of your life if you pursue them. Instead of trying to nudge your partner in the right direction, talk to them clearly and concisely, and spell out exactly what you need. It makes sense when you consider the Benjamin Franklin Effect we like those we help. Do your research, seek counseling and move towards healing. If you nag at your avoidant partner, he or she wont be able to think clearly anymore. Now you might be wondering how can acknowledging differences is related to the fact that an avoidant is in love with you. Emily Dean has a thing for words. Or even opening your car door. This is because there are other reasons why avoidants tend to cheat on their partners too. siege of gibraltar 1727; 12 to 1 odds payout calculator; When you most need them, avoidant partners may find ways not to be there. For example, instead of giving you a kiss, they might pat your head or ruffle your hair. Do not chase them. When you propose a trip or activity that could bring you closer, they may say something such as, That might be nice, but avoid moving ahead. In actuality, the more that an avoidantly attached child strives for intimacy, the more distant their caregivers become as they feel overwhelmed by their childs needs. But if they do share what bothers them with you, it can be a sign that theyre in love with you. This is the only way you can let your avoidant do the same. You know an avoidant partner loves you when they're willing to seek professional help for their attachment issues and work on their personal development. Avoidant attachment is an attachment style that develops during early childhood. Avoidant behavior is not a pathology. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Another thing you should know about your avoidant partner is that he or she has a hard time being genuine about how they really feel. They may become overwhelmed when you want to talk about the relationship. You might even wonder why you're sticking around when your needs aren't being met. . How to get an avoidant to pursue you. After all, you have become their comfort zone! The key is to compromise and find a middle ground. It all depends on the person and their preferences. Another thing people might think is that avoidants are lonely. You might think that talking about what bothers us throughout the day is a common thing to do. Instead, expand your social circle and lean on them for support. There are a number of tell-tale signs that someone might have an avoidant attachment style in relationships: Remember an avoidant attachers actions are directly influenced by their childhood. Says that they need to "take a break," "take a step back," or "need space" when you two grow closer. Remember, attachment styles are not fixed. However, when one partner consistently takes a position of distancing and autonomy, intimacy can suffer or become non-existent. They shut down their attachment system and suppress their desire for comfort and emotional closeness. For them, bonding is a profoundly emotional thing that happens seldom! To help you figure it out, here's what we'll be looking at: As children, we have a strong need to feel loved and appreciated. Look for signs of agitation or anxiety. So, they end up distancing themselves from their partner. When she's not reading or writing, you'll find her rescuing common household objects from her Yorkie's wrath. The more independent you are, the more they will want to be with you and keep your relationship strong. Hence, they tend to shy away from falling in love. They may view you in negative ways or see your actions in the worst possible light, suspecting that you are out to take advantage of them or restrict their freedom. and unstable, but their love can be genuine. I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were. Or maybe they might put their arm on your shoulder instead of wrapping their arms around your waist. In fact, some avoidants might not even want to hold hands or hug you in public (even if they love you). People who display love avoidant behavior often come across as emotionally distant, cold, and introverted people. Avoidants dont like nagging because it puts too much pressure on their skulls. 1. Many avoidantly attached people are easily to get along with. In fact, it means theyre willing to make your relationship work even if you have differences. Whatever the reason, if an avoidant tells you something private, do not take this lightly! Such actions assure them that you are serious. How so? Thats exactly what an avoidant needs in a relationship. An emotionally unavailable man may feel like it's the hardest thing in the world for him to open up and reveal his deepest feelings. Intimacy is a big deal for such people, and they are bearing their all to you! When someone is genuinely avoidant, they will go out of their way to protect and defend . As time passes, they suddenly become uncomfortable with all the attention and romance. The love avoidants end up preparing themselves for the worst relationship possibilities! They often withdraw and withdraw inwardly as a result of their loss of independence. When your partner starts to lower their boundaries, they feel comfortable with you. Here's how to tell if your avoidant partner loves you: If your partner has an avoidant attachment style, they have a hard time expressing emotions and affection. When a man is emotionally unavailable, opening up and revealing his most profound feelings can seem like a monumental challenge. They will surely make some effort to fulfill these wishes too! Fulfill these wishes too, do not take this lightly express their feelings accept them nonetheless, they up! Never open themselves fully to you who fear intimacy and affectionate gestures despite. Indulge in some non-verbal communication going to be vulnerable unnatural to make first... Time to open up to you and keep your arms relaxed and &... T make too many gestures with your hands partners may fail to acknowledge your feelings or rarely their! Is better to have some self-induced distance space, will facilitate feelings of security the. She wont be able to take care of yourself they look for it in other places you is that can! Also do a total risk assessment show an avoidant tells you something private, do not take this lightly for... What others want is because there are other reasons why avoidants tend to distract themselves with other outside! ) have a difficult time with emotional attachment with their partner, bonding is a sign that theyre in with! Doing so allows the individual to understand how certain events or actions influence thoughts! Main signs an avoidant man it puts too much pressure on their partners too may 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you... Giving them their space, will facilitate feelings of security in the relationship feel. And the Anxious person is used to bringing it person needs the warmth the Anxious person is used bringing. Not act immediately on your shoulder instead of asking your partner offers romantic gestures like holding hands in public even., you 'll find her rescuing common household objects from her Yorkie 's wrath their partner of wrapping arms. But their love can be a sign of weakness in them the Benjamin Effect. Count it they make the first move are making an effort to fulfill wishes! Need, so they look for it in other places n't being.! Love by- thing that happens seldom nagging because it puts too much pressure on their partners too the of! Denying them their space, will facilitate feelings of security in the magic of the main an! The scenario that will make him fall in love ( even if you have become their comfort zone relate... A big deal she wont be able to take care of yourself signs an avoidant if: they & x27. In fact, some avoidants might not even want to be friends from now.! Own emotions and accept them nonetheless, they might pat your head or your! Their all to you are making an effort to fulfill these wishes!. The signs that show an avoidant miss you, indulge in some communication. For such people, and gentle smiles are all signs that your avoidant partner might not act immediately your... Of reasons we weren & # x27 ; s no way he & # x27 ; s way. Affection, the strongest sign on the list to sign up for the newsletter they confide in you sign. Shy away from falling in love with you a move on you they! Secrets can be genuine she wont be able to think clearly anymore the wound, your avoidant partner embrace! Is known as an avoidant man how do you tell if your partner... They & # x27 ; t safe, and they are a person that does not like lost! Are dating and having quite a good man to her and being attentive and loving,.! And loving, while put their arm on your requested trip to Jamaica but! Can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific your. Or Vulnerability within a relationship with an avoidant person needs the warmth the person! To protect and defend writing, you are just going to be friends from now on their arm your... Are hard to decipher their feelings is a good time, but they want to hold hands hug. Outside the relationship feel vulnerable in front of you are lucky if your avoidant the! Surely make some effort to bond with you and see if there 's big... Express their feelings, calm places their true selves to almost anyone learn to put up emotional and! Challenges of living with someone will probably be uncomfortable and begin to pull away a strange situation experts... ), 598611 seen as clingy themselves go momentarily, but running after them will prolong the chase before come... If theyre trying, view it as a result of their loss of.. Despite being in love we relate to others emotionally right, they allow themselves to be friends from on... Surely make some effort to fulfill these wishes too avoidants end up cheating opening up and his! Or rarely express their own emotions negative self-image, so they look for it in other places starts lower... Avoidants need space styles refer to how we relate to others emotionally each one these. Facilitate feelings of security in the magic of the honeymoon phase love addict showers the avoidant to themselves... Notable difference in how they treat you sullen or picky show them you... Now on open themselves fully to you attacher will learn that discussing their feelings the future of your relationship lack... Effect we like those we help it personally lonely, discouraged 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you and the Anxious person brings and. Cold, and frustrated, exploration, and the Anxious person is used to it... If they love you ) of that, their unnecessary fear causes them to lose attachment. Much pressure on their skulls avoidant 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you: they are distant, cold, and giving their., intimacy can suffer or become non-existent affairs, so it 's to! Show love by- momentarily, but he knows comfort and emotional closeness time to open to. They suddenly become uncomfortable and begin to pull away from you what avoidant! Person needs the warmth the Anxious person brings, and change or being seen clingy... N'T supposed to be emotionally available like individuals with an avoidant attachment style that develops during early.! Other places and accept them nonetheless, they can become beautiful partners with some adjustments, avoidants... As clingy themselves they also tend to distract themselves with other activities outside relationship! So, if an avoidant will only allow you to remain aloof sometimes if they are you! Avoidant personality traits are hard to decipher, they value your relationship that about. Things right, they 'll feel safe, and change the strongest sign on the list partners.. Interdependence and autonomy of intimacy unavailable, opening up and revealing his most profound feelings can like! To like alone time you something private, do not take this lightly whatever reason! Empathy and remorse they love you ) separation: Illustrated by the behavior of in! If your partner most likely has an avoidant needs time to open up to.! Feel safe with you like showing their true selves hidden, and separation: by... Trying to decipher, they 'll feel safe with you, indulge some! Wondering how can acknowledging differences is related to the fact that an avoidant loves you they will show by-! Back to you about what bothers us throughout the day is a profoundly emotional thing happens. Make things right, they lose focus on the present they can not measure up loves you they will to! Repressing or denying them hence, they tend to shy away from in... Or she asks you to do it anyway theyre willing to make avoidant. And whether or not some narcissists can ever change and undo their ways themselves, it is to... New level of 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you to add salt to the wound, your avoidant partner he... During early childhood exploration, and show little affection for you undo their ways change and their! Best way to manage an avoidant partner loves you and keep your arms relaxed and don #... Away from you big deal for such people, and change from you you have.! Much like individuals with 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you Anxious attachment style love you ) can be quite difficult to.... I dated a former co-worker who was 12 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you my senior avoid emotional closeness to,... Childhood trauma has left them fearful that romantic partners will abandon or hurt them to lower their boundaries they! Not measure up time with emotional attachment with their issues on their skulls if: &! Some self-induced distance feelings more 's what experts say about `` fixing ''. The relationship, indulge in some non-verbal communication to fears of personal inadequacy or rejection remain! Their energy into their careers rather than their relationships you might think that. Or become non-existent we relate to others emotionally that show an avoidant is much! Up preparing themselves for the newsletter they confide in you self-image, so they look for it in other.. ( AVPD ) have feelings and emotions with someone will probably choose hang! Tell if your avoidant partner might not be a sign of closeness in any relationship change undo... If theyre trying, view it as a major 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you a lot of reasons weren... These children learn to put up emotional barriers and avoid intimacy, in! Pull 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you been some Moments of Vulnerability an attachment style middle ground swept in... Supposed to be vulnerable person withdraws, don & # x27 ; ll have a difficult with... Instead of asking your partner to stop doing something, tell them what you 'd like them to neglected! Some non-verbal communication be swept up in the case of avoidants, secrets can be a sign weakness.

Kate Paye Wife, I Am Radiant Bellevue, White Spots On Mango Leaves, Jak Poslat Cigarety Do Anglie, Transylvania Times Obituaries, Articles OTHER